I used to be addicted to porn for 19 years. Yes indeed, it is a very long time.
I got hooked when I was 13. It started with curiosity but quickly became a coping mechanism. A very efficient one. I was coping with stress but obviously I wasn't conscious. I was a kid... I had no idea what I was doing.
It took me forever to realize that I was addicted because it became part of my everyday life and my identity, so much so that I didn't even question it for 15 years. Looking back, it is insane!
I remember the first time I promised myself: “today I quit! enough of this!”. I was motivated and dedicated like never before. My streak lasted a few days… I was devastated and my motivation was shattered. But I kept going and i promised myself again: “today I quit for good!”. My streak lasted maybe 2 days… But let's be honest, I had no idea what I was doing and I was on my own. I was ashamed of myself and my shame kept me stuck. It was impossible for me to open up to my family, friends or even a therapist (yes, shame is a bitch!).
This struggle with shame and loneliness went on for almost 2 years. I relapsed way too many times... The biggest problem was, that I broke my word and failed myself too many times and I completely lost my self-trust and self-respect in those 2 years. I had a pretty hardcore job (the sales life) at that time and I was dealing with an insane amount of stress for almost 5 years. This stress, the fact that I was living a shitty and unfulfilled life, with no purpose, no meaning, struggling with self-trust, struggling with self-respect, loneliness, addiction and much more, was the reason why I chose porn as a coping mechanism. To numb my pain...
It was the easy way out… But I didn't know better and it backfired of course.
I burned out thanks to my lifestyle (I never took burnout serious, but it is very real, so take it serious!). I was mentally, emotionally and physically DONE!
I quit my job because I was not able to work a job and to function as a human being anymore. I remember: one day I woke up and I was like "what am I even doing with my life?" Deep down, I knew that i needed help. Not just any help... professional and serious help, because I was done struggling on my own. The same day, I was chilling on the couch watching a YouTube video from one of my mentors at that time and his words: “Stop wasting your life!” hit me like a truck. I contacted him and I started working with him. That was the first time I actually looked for professional help and I invested in a coaching program. I had no idea what I was getting into. I just knew: I need help or it will get worse!
That coaching program was and still is one of the best decisions and investments of my life. It was a 2 months hardcore 1:1 coaching program. It was challenging but I loved it! It broke my ego! Exactly what I needed at that time.
Now this coaching didn't help me to fully overcome my addiction but it was not about porn addiction. It was about THE NECESSARY internal work every single person should do and it should be mandatory and basic in school! I got to understand myself on a much deeper level and work on my identity, mindset, limiting beliefs, conditionings, triggers, fears, traumas, values, routines/habits, discipline, purpose and much more.
The coaching changed my life completely. I started a new career and I moved countries. I became a new person.
I was still addicted to porn BUT! I had a lot of knowledge and tools in my hands. I hired a sex therapist and a sex coach and they helped me understand my addiction and myself even more. I had even more tools to use and most importantly: I had the knowledge and the experience when it comes to doing THE REAL WORK, that is necessary to overcome porn addiction.
After years of struggling, working on myself and learning from incredible coaches, mentors and therapists I managed to fully overcome my addiction and reclaim my life.
I became passionate about this work. Well, more like obsessed.
I started a mens circle group and I noticed that sex, porn and masturbation is a huge problem for a lot of men. I started sharing my experience and knowledge with men and at some point I started to coach low key. I absolutely loved it!
I realized that I have a lot of experience and knowledge when it comes to porn/sex addiction.
And that is why and how I became a coach. I didn’t plan it. It just happened. "Life happens." So true!
I believe that nothing in life is a coincidence. My 19 years of addiction was not just about pain and suffering.